Thank You Very Much
by Charlotte Thompson
Summary: Frank and Brad rejoice about Brad's dad dying. Archer is Brad's brother


Brad gulped. "My dad hated you."  
"I can't imagine him hating me more in death than in life." Frank noted.  
"I don't know. It is the Midwest. You don't draw attention to yourself." Brad answered.  
"I hate the Midwest. Damn Riff! He said he would get me close to South Beach! The promised land where there is horrible traffic and I can be myself." Frank said.  
"Well, can you honestly tell me you liked my dad? I am glad the old coot is dead." Brad said.  
"I highly doubt anyone liked the poor sucker close to his end. He became an old Scrooge." Mrs. Majors added.  
Archer, Brad's brother, looked at Mrs. Majors with sad puppy dog eyes. "Honey, he was blaming me for creating a gay son. And it isn't my fault he loves Frank and I stick the damn forks in the way I want them!" She exclaimed. Frank touched her hand to calm her down. Looking at his hand she smiled. "Frank, I am just glad my son picked a man of class."  
"Well I am a girl up here." He touched his head. "I was thinking of a musical number that may fit the situation."  
Brad asked "is it seriously just us? I invited everyone to his funeral. For all I hoped everyone would come to spit on his grave."  
Archer gave Brad the sad puppy eyes. "I can always ask the digger to throw you in too." Brad added.  
Mrs. Majors rolled her eyes. "Brad, God gave me two of you. I have to make sure both of you don't die before you. Then I have to real cry with Frank for you and never stop until eternity ends or make crocodile tears at Archer's funeral."  
"God you don't pick favorites." Archer murmured.  
"Well honey you didn't spend hours watching musicals that used to be on Broadway with me while being taught how to cook." Mrs. Majors noted.  
"No wonder why Brad can cook things that are to die for." Frank noted.  
"Frank I think you mentioned a musical number." Mrs. Majors said.  
Frank stood at the front smiling. "On behalf of all the people who are assembled here, I would merely like to mention if I may that uninamious attitude of lasting gratitude for what this man (he gestured to the coffin) has done for us today. And therefore I simply have to say..." He stopped. The band had known the song. "Thank you very much. Thank you very much. That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me. It sounds a bit bizarre with things the way they are. (Pats the coffin) I feel as if another life's begun for me! (Sits on top on coffin)And if I had a cannon I would fire it to add a sort of celebration touch, but since I left my cannon at home I simply have to say thank you very very very much. Thank you very very very much." Frank smiled. Brad joined in, singing straight to the coffin.  
"Thank you very much. Thank you very much. That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me. I may sound double Dutch, but my delight is such. I feel as if a losing war's been won for me! And if I had a flag I'd hang my flag out to add a sort of final victory touch, but since I left my flag at home I simply have to say thank you very very very much. Thank you very very very much."  
Mrs. Majors smiled. She sat on the coffin like a lady, right near his face."Thank you very much" She kissed his coffin. "Thank you very much. That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me. Especially since you were uber sexist and rude! A prude! what a horrible fate to have befallen me! But now I am free to wave my flag out to add a sort of final victory touch but since I left my flag at home I simply have to say thank you very very very much. Thank you very very very much." She kept her face within inches of his for the duration of her part.  
The gravedigger came in "So how will this work?" He asked.  
Brad said "well Archer and I were supposed to carry him out..."  
"Brad, darling, there is no need for you to get off, now Archer who is actually sad can carry the four of us." Frank explained.  
The gravedigger shrugged. "These fat cats always have people singing on em."  
Archer picked it up. The three of them sang a couple verses more. They sang as the gravedigger put him in the ground.  
Right as the gravedigger was about to close the lid, Frank woke up. "Fuck." He said aloud.


End file.
